Asperger Daughter: Breaking the news and first aid

Breaking the news & first aid

During that summer holiday we had decided Amy would get her own little dog. I started ann extensive search looking at breed and size and found the Australian Labradoodle. But lo and behold...In Holland we had two year waiting lists for this particular dog. That simply would not do, so I widened my search. I came across a breeder in the US. She had puppies available. Mini doodles! That would be perfect.

I was so excited and told my husband about this incredible find. He was stunned, quite certain I had completely lost it. Buying a dog over the internet??? Spending an awful lot of money on something you had never seen?? Hmmm...putting it that way. But still...

He phoned the breeder and was slightly reassured. She knew about Asperger, we really connected. My husband gave up his resistance and reluctantly agreed to go ahead. We chose our puppy, 10 days old at the time. Since it would not travel to Holland until she was 15 weeks old, we decided not to tell Amy just yeat.

The awful, awful day arrived that Amy came home from school, utterly inconsolable. Why did she not have any friends? Why did nobody want to play with her? What was wrong with her?

My heart shattered into a million pieces. She was so uttterly upset, so gutted. I had to tell her the truth. I had to tell her that finding friends would always pose a challenge, that communicating with others and being understood would never come easy. My girl was 7 years old!! How could I even begin to explain?

I told her our heads were like computers, storing information. A lot of computers did this in the same way, but every now and then a computer would have a glitch. Especially if you had been clicking on too many things at the same time. The computer would crash and information would not be stored properly. This was how it was in her head. If the information became too much, Amy would not be able to react in a way that was acceptable and frustration and anger would kick in. And because her information was stored a bit differently because of her glitch, it was harder to make and understand friends.

Tears rolled down her cheeks. What could be done about this? Was there some medicine she could take?

I felt so utterly powerless. You have to tell this special dear girl, it will never pass.

Amy grieved. She was broken. She could just sit somewhere and out of nothing the tears started to roll down her cheeks. We were all devastated. All these tests, looking for a solution and then a verdict for life.

I started to explain how we were trying to get help, that we were talking to all sorts of people. I explained the waiting list concept, that we wanted help now, but we were stuck. We ordered some books online about Asperger and looked at them, together. She started to understand a little bit how she was different, but her grief did not go away. At all!

Very soon after we had told Amy about her autism she had a really tough day. She was such a lonely girl. We had to do something, so we explained that we had found her a little friend, all the way in the USA. A little girl doggy who would join our family during half term, weeks away!

Amy's face lightened up. A doggy, all for her?? And this doggy could sleep in her room???

She picked a name, and the doggy was called Katie from thereonforth. We let her email the breeder about her choice and a small miracle happened.

The breeder turned out to be a very caring lady who helped our daughter through the many weeks of waiting. She send pictures, videos, a story book starring Katie, answered every possible question.
Amy looked forward to this contact. And one day, the postman arrived with a parcel. This lovely lady had found a small cuddly toy dog which reminded her of Katie and she had decided to send it to Amy. A doggy to cuddle while Katie did the necessary growing up.

Amy knew perfectly well we were trying very hard to get funding and help, but she lost interest. Knowing about Katie gave her hope. She knew for sure that once Katie had arrived, things would be well. That put quite a bit of pressure on this tiny creature!

I started investigating if we could do more than just have the dog as a friend. The media started talking about assistance dogs for people with autism. They could be a filter for sensory overload, even prevent sensory overload, give the child confidence and independence. We knew about those terms! We had done our homework!

But from where I was standing, I could not imagine how you train an autism support dog in a guardian family and then place it with the child once it was an adult. Autism is unpredictable. We had volcanic eruptions here from time to time! If a dog had not encoutered that before, how would it react?

I wanted an assistance dog, but I wanted Amy and the puppy to train together! I started looking for dog trainers who could help and.....found nothing! This was not how things were done.

Until one blessed day I came across a new school. Bulters and Mekke. They took my request seriously. They arranged a meeting to talk things through. We discussed what we wanted, what we expected. The dog would be a bridge between Amy and a very scary world that did not care much for autism. It was never done before, but they were willing to give it a go. None of us, the trainer included, had an idea where this would lead, what we would be able to achieve. Amy was a pioneer in Holland. All we could do was hope for the best.

We were given homework. Amy's independence was our main goal, so she could not be completely depending on her dog. We had to arrange for the dog to be allowed in the school and bring her into class, but then the dog would go home with me. The head teacher was very willing to help and permission was given.

The trainer, Joop, had asked us who was Amy's first port of call when things were hard. I told him that would be me. He asked me if I was prepared to take a step back. Katie would become the first one Amy would turn to. I smiled. Of course she wouldn't! I was her mum!! But how right he was!!!!

We began buying puppy necessities. Pink themed of course. We did not care, Amy had a purpose in her life. In the mean time it had become very clear how pervasive exactly autism is! We all had our work cut out for us. But knowing Katie would join us soon gave us all hope. It was a long wait.

We'd found out that through a loop hole in the law, the breeder could bring Katie at 9 weeks, rather than 15. She had done some trial runs and even though it was very depending on who was sitting at customs, it did work. This meant Katie came much earlier! We did not dare tell Amy, just in case the dog would be quarantained, but on 1 October 2008, we put Amy in the car and drove two hours to the airport. We had told Amy we were meeting someone who might be able to help her.

She was not doing to great and we were petrified of Katie not being allowed in the country.

At arrivals at the airport we saw some people carrying dog leads. This was so exciting. Amy still did not have a clue.

The doors of the gate opened and out came this lady with a trolley full of travelling crates.
She greeted Amy and told her she was Katie's breeder. Amy still did not realise anything.

Heidi, the breeder, told Amy there was someone there to meet her and she turned the appropriate crate around. Inside were two similar puppies. Amy froze. She said nothing, just stared. I gently nudged her. 'Amy, that's Katie'. Still no reaction. She obdiently followed the crowd outside so the doggies could stretch their legs and be handed over to the families.

Amy was given Katie. Anxiously she came up to me, cradling her puppy. 'We need to go home, we need to go home, we need to go now'. Quickly we dealt with tthe paper work and walked to the car. Amy still had not said much.

In the car, she asked for my phone. I gave it to her. Calmly she dialled home and then there was the most joyous cry I have ever heard: 'Boys....I'VE GOT KATIE, I'VE GOT KATIE'.

Our child was smiling for the first time in a very long while. We had faith in our daughter and her doggy. A new adventure was about to begin!