My daughter's very own introduction

Crossing borders every day

I have crossed many borders, and I will have to cross many more, if I want to live a normal enough life.

This is because I have Autism. And Autism is crossing borders every day, trying to live in a world that rarely ever seems to make sense. Taking steps towards other people, trying to understand what they expect from me. For example, if they tell me lying is wrong, why then, do they expect me to lie about my opinion if this happens to differ from what they want to hear?

I was diagnosed with Autism when I was seven. We had just moved from England to the Netherlands.

To most people, moving to a new house is quite a shock, let alone to another country, because you have to get used to your new surroundings. To me, it was mayhem. It was a nightmare, so chaotic, new and unpredictable… I didn’t feel safe anywhere. There was nowhere familiar, nothing was as it used to be, as it was “supposed to be”. I struggled with this overload of confusion.

Then, when I enrolled in the local Dalton primary school, there was another great shock, another border to cross.

From the strict, structured English schools, where the whole day was planned out for you so you knew what to do and expect, I felt thrown into chaos, panic and disorder in the new school. As this school was a Dalton school, it meant you had freedom within boundaries, choices to make, tasks to plan. This was a nightmare to me, as I could not cope well with too many free choices. I need structure, and in this way it felt like I had none. I had no idea what to do or what to expect. This was too much for me. My world collapsed.

My mother, seeing this shock to my system, was distressed to see her sweet, quiet little girl who never got into trouble, turn into a broken person, constantly crying.

She started looking for answers as to why this was happening, and eventually I was diagnosed with Autism.

I had already noticed I was different from the other children, but now I knew that this would always be so. I would always struggle with things that seemed so easy to other people. I was devastated.

I needed my time to come to terms with this. But as it turns out, if people around you believe in you, you can come far, you can do anything, just step out of your comfort zone and get out there and do what you always wanted to do, be who you want to be, and inspire the world around you to do the same!

Amy 2008, at the time of her diagnosis